Do the Hippy Shake Shake

Instead of going for a run with the girl I don't know, I decided to treat myself and my friend Renee to massages. It's her birthday and I want my legs back to normal. I had a "deep tissue" or "sports massage." They should just take the word 'massage' out of this description and maybe call it a treatment or something. Because it was not relaxing, hurt a whole lot and really showed me how fucked up my muscles are. Speaking of...

Let me introduce you to...

The Quadratus Lumborum. Little did I know about this strange muscle, but it is responsible for hip motion and it can definitely bring the hip out of alignment which causes a tight IT band, tight quads, tight hamstrings and a resulting runner's knee. I have never had anyone touch or try to massage this area. So imagine my surprise when I almost flew off the table when my cute little masseuse touched it. Ouch. It also causes lower back pain.

In fact, thank all the muscles around the hip, because they're all responsible: the pirformis, the psoas, the gluteus minimus andthe tensor fascia latae. Fuck all you bitches.


By the time I'm running 10 miles I may also have a degree in anatomy. I do still have some pain in my knee, but I am not giving up on this self treatment. My little Elf wants me to go to PT but I'm going to wait and see what happens after I drink water (gasp! what a fucking concept! give water to the muscles and maybe they'll feel better. I'm retarded) and stretch (another foreign concept! agh!).

I'm on the road to recovery, friends.

Cutest babies ever(TM)