Jeffy's response to being called out on The Run Report via text message: "Good blog! I was a drunk in Eugene. Looks like I'm in training too...for a drunkathon." Nice.

So, Jeffy, I'm talking to YOU...


Running is essential. The end.

So let's move on to one of my best days as a Mommy ever...stick with me, it ends with my run this afternoon.

I took the boys to the Children's Museum. Oliver was content to stay in the dirt pile made of small rubber pellets the whole time. Owen wanted to explore everything else. That made it very difficult for me to keep tabs on both. Every time I took Oliver out of the pit and tried to distract him with another area, we had a crying fit.

The store with fake food wouldn't even fly with him. Speaking of, the fake food they have there is so realistic it's scary. Guess what EVERY SINGLE CHILD in the place did when they saw this super realistic food. That's right. In the mouth. And I wonder where we got the super Stomach Flu strain this summer. Ew.

Anyhoo, after getting Oliver out of the pit one last time, he finally had enough. We're talking ear-splitting screams. I made the executive decision to cut and run. Owen was not on board with my decision. HE starts screaming and does the whole limp body maneuver (who teaches kids this stuff?).

"I have no idea what she's talking about. I'm always smiling."

Visualize please: I'm holding the 30-pound 18-month old who's screaming and wriggling to get down. I'm dragging the crying 3-year old without bones along the floor to the exit. Now, if you happened to be in the Children's Museum, what would you have done? STARE. That's right. I glazed my eyes, looked straight ahead and powered through. I was scared to make eye contact with anyone, because I doubt I could have controlled myself from saying:

• Oh, you got the model that doesn't cry? Fuck you.
  
• I hope this happens to you one time. In church. During the homily.
• I am not breaking his arm. He prefers to travel this way.
• Get the fuck out of my way before I fucking kill you.

I managed to get to the car and found the special remedy for two screaming children: I cried. Immediately Owen stopped and started saying "Don't cry Mommy, it's OK. You don't need to cry." I'm sure Oliver was thinking "Oh shit. This afternoon is gonna suck."

So, after taking them to the zoo (and another crying jag), we came home and I decided to try a new recipe for the crockpot. The ingredients: chicken, brown sugar, vinegar, soy sauce, garlic, pepper and 7-up. Guess what I learned today? If the ingredients sound weird to you, and you don't think some of them go together, the chicken won't miraculously taste like something completely different. It will actually taste like chicken that's been soaking in brown sugar, vinegar and soy sauce. We got pizza.

So, THE RUN! Finally. I was so miserable when Michael got home, I think he would have tried to put my sports bra, running shoes and socks and all my other gear on me himself. Then he would have kicked me in the ass.

I started out faster than usual and was surprised to find that I wasn't dying. I kept the pace up (we're not talking really fast here, people. Maybe a 9:30) until I got to the track and that's when I encountered the 2500 knot winds right in the kisser. God, I hate that. It slowed my overall time, but I think I've found a great formula. Do a small run after a long run, then a day off, then a tempo run. I felt awesome. I actually felt like my Under Armours were eating the pavement. I had a weird crocodile image there. (these are the best shoes ever...so much that my nice shoe connection lady is getting me another pair for 60 bucks and tells me the UA people were thrilled I love them so much. They come out January.)

So, the running is good. The kids are kids and I still can't cook. GOOD TIMES(TM) for sure.

Week One Review

So, this was the first week of training. I ran four days (should have been five) and included my first long run of seven miles, which I did yesterday afternoon. I have to say, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Although some of the hilly sidewalk running did suck. But I kept a nice 10 minute mile pace, and I stopped occasionally to stretch.

Nothing to note about the run except that Jeffy totally let me down and didn't join me (nor did he call to decline, but that's Jeffy). I think he was scared. Poll question: does calling someone out on your blog motivate them to run with you on the weekends? Talk amongst yourselves.

So mileage total for this week was 20. I am going to run today at Forest Park to work out the kinks. Should be a good one.

By the way, that running log I mentioned (www.logthatrun.com)? Is the WORST thing ever. In the details section where you can write about things? It won't allow you to use quotations marks, parentheses, and other common punctuation marks. Needless to say I shot off an email telling them about it and have returned to www.runnerslog.com, which has gotten a facelift! I love it.

Calorie Counting Gone Awry

So today was a big day for me--the return to the weekend morning run. My plan was to run for an hour, or about six miles. Got up at 630, ate a little breakfast and headed out. The weather was perfect--a little nippy but totally fine. In fact, I could have worn a t-shirt. It was light enough that I didn't have to wear my sweet reflective vest (the only time that thing has been worn is at the old house when I spent an entire day cleaning the house. Safety first.)

So imagine my surprise when I found myself struggling for the first seven minutes or so. Then for the next 30 minutes or so, and then finally all the way to the fucking end of this run! I was dying. Legs were like posts, breathing was irregular, my form kept breaking down. I became one of those people who move their arms in circles as they run. You've seen them. As Coach told me, it's just a waste of energy and you look like a moron to REAL RUNNERS LIKE ME.

So, this entire week I've been entering everything I eat into a Calorie Counter log. I love it. But I decided in my never ending quest to lose weight to only eat 1400 calories a day. Now, that's not easy people. Especially when you've spent the last two months eating the equivalent of a second dinner right before bed.

So I consulted my expert panel and I've decided to up my calories and see what happens. There is a training plan in place. However, it's not ready for prime time.

Two things from this run:

1. There is a house for sale whose real estate agent's first name is Muffie. Totally. And, I'll tell you what, if I'm going to pay 700,000 for a house, I'd feel pretty good buying from a Muffie.

2. Saw a house on my run that had two cars, each with a Penn State sticker. I'll be monitoring the situation. (edited to add: how about Penn State putting the smack down on Michigan State. Suckers.)

Next up: a run tomorrow with Jeffy. Hopefully six miles but he's already whining about it.

IT's the Shoes!

I'm back and re-dedicating myself yet again. This consistency thing is really hard. A month or so ago, I got a free pair of shoes to try out and then review for a magazine writer here in town. I was psyched but then saw the shoes--Under Armour?! What the hell? I immediately had a flashback to Lee and his compression shirt and then bloody nipples, and then...I digress.

Anyhoo, not only are these shoes from Under Armour, but they're ugly as sin too. The entire shoe is grey with a lime green logo. Bleh. I started running in these suckers, and they changed my life (doesn't take much). No more knee pain, IT pain, or quad pain. I actually looked forward to my runs and for about two weeks ran every other day or at least three times a week.

Then my babysitter got strep throat and I didn't run at all last week. Yesterday I did a quick 37 minutes in the Under Armour shoes (which I think are named "Cartilage"). Today I decided I must run in the Asics that cost 120 bucks.

About a mile from home the ol' IT band starts barking. And barking. Louder and louder. Kind of like the mother effer German Shepherd next door that barks for 15 minutes straight at 630 in the morning.

So, it's definitely the shoes. I guess I will have to run in the Under Armours until I work out the knots. I hate the foam roller but am committed to it.

Geez, is this boring or what? I have nothing funny to tell you. I'm logging my runs on a site I found called www.logthatrun.com which is pretty sweet. It's better than other online logs I've found. I also am tracking all my calories and nutrition info on another site. That's an eye opening experience. I already cheated and pigged out last night before bed and didn't put it in the log. Nothing like a little self sabotage.

All my football teams have let me down this year. The Penn State loss to Iowa was a kick in the stomach. Our one chance for a national championship and we blow it. Now we're looking straight down the barrel at the Rose Bowl vs. Oregon State, who we already killed this year.

The Eags? No comment. Embarrassing.

But, my fantasy football team is rocking.

The end.