At Long Last...Online Maps of Forest Park

Look what I found today. These are super sweet. I can't wait to print them.

Detailed maps of Forest Park!

Haven't run since Friday which is a record since I started my come back. I actually told Michael that I want it to rain so it warms up. I'd much rather run in warm(er) rain than in this freezing cold headwind crappola. I am a baby and I'm not feeling well. But come rain or shine I'm running tomorrow, Friday and a long run with Shaunmarie and Jennifer (an old Vian! who already ran the Boston Marathon...more on her in the Run Report from this coming Saturday I'm sure!)

Shaunmarie and I did run on Friday afternoon at Tryon State Park...an old route that Elf and I used to run. I told SM that Elf would be jealous. It's a pretty hilly pain in the ass route, but it's nice and paved. We held a pretty good pace and SM was sure to compliment my pace even though it wasn't fast.

The funniest thing was SM wearing a wool scarf while we ran. She is a hoot, that one.

What Have You Done Today To Make You Feel Proud?

So I've been doing a lot of road running in the Compton Hood over here on the WEST side. Shaunmarie and I were scheduled for a long run up at Germantown Road on Saturday. But lo and behold people kept calling to say they were coming over to visit and watch the football game. So we had an impromptu "Seahawks Get Their Ass Kicked in the Snow" party.

So the long run was off, but I still managed to get in four miles before anyone got here. It felt good, but I can totally tell that my legs are not enjoying the hard asphalt and cement. So, I wore my Donovan McNabb jersey as I realized it was probably going to be one of the last times I could wear it while he is still an Eagle. I got some very nice comments on my weight loss (I've trained my friends to tell me it looks like I lost weight. It's a bad habit I've gotten in to. I need validation, people!) and then decided to gorge myself, because I had just run. My favorite thing to eat? The port wine "cheese food" that comes in a little tub, is bright orange and has some purpleness to it. That shit is the bomb. I ate that and artichoke dip and another hot dip and nuts and beer. Holy cow it was gluttony at its finest.

Then yesterday I had one of the best runs ever. I ran in the hood again. Usually this run contains some track running down at the ol' Oregon Episcopal School. Well yesterday there was some sort of lacrosse thing going on and there was no way I was going to run in front of high schoolers and spectators. So I figured out how to get to the Montclair Elementary school wood-chipped path.

This is where it all began in late June when I started my post partum, weight loss, running journey. I would hike up my ol' maternity shorts (a nice cotton number that fit like bike shorts with a belly panel) and my Grateful Dead t-shirt from 1988 [LA in the velodrome] that I stole from an ex-boyfriend (this thing is ancient. You can totally see through it it's so threadbare...but it was the only thing that fit me) and run a 14 minute mile. Just one mile because that's all I could do. And I ran almost every day in the noon day sun, singing the Biggest Loser theme song and telling myself that come Christmas it would all be worth it.

So yesterday as I'm running around that path like I own it without worrying about the slight grade that had previously killed me every single run, I realized it was worth it. And I was again proud to be a runner. Because, I thought, not everyone can be a runner. And then I thought, yes they can. Because if I could go from a pack-a-day fat smoker to running as much as I do now, ANYONE can do it. We just like to thing we're part of a special breed. But that's really not true.

I am TOTALLY digressing now. Anyhoo. It was a great run of 6.25 miles in 1 hour. Here's Oliver with his first zwieback toast experience.

Nothing New

Well, day four of Operation No Baby Sitter Week and things are going better than expected. We've managed to get out of the house every day and there haven't been any tears from me. I went for a run in Forest Park yesterday and nothing exciting happened. My runs have become stale and I don't feel myself improving at all. It's time to kick it up a notch and start some speed training or something. I did see my money at work though. A huge tree had fallen over into the ravine, and it's roots were causing a mess on the trail. Two days later a nice path with gravel had been put down.

Two more things to mention about my Pennsylvania trip. Zoo America (the "zoo" attached to Hershey Park) is a rip off. It costs 8.50 per person and the most exciting animals are three bison. They do have three black bears but keep them confined to a tiny little space. Owen's favorite thing to do was feed the ducks some corn kernels.

Take a close look at this picture:


Yes, your mother of the year put his shoes on the wrong feet. I couldn't figure out why he wanted me to carry him all over the place. When I finally figured it out and exclaimed as much to my sister in law. She said: "Yeah. I noticed that." !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's all I'm going to say about that.

I am perhaps the most boring person on the planet. Send me emails. I'm dying over here.

The Plane Flights

A two year old. An eight month old. A husband. And two 5 hour plus plane rides. Should be good times. At the start of our journey, I wasn't too frenzied as I really thought that the boys would sleep during the entire direct flight to Philly. After all, the plane took off at 10:30pm, they'd be tired and we had three seats so Owen could lay down.

Wrong. So very, very wrong.

The first stupid thing I did was buy a stupid fucking harness thing online so Owen wouldn't have to sit in his car seat. Only after we got home did I realize that there is actually no need for a harness, a car seat or even a freaking seat belt. If the plane goes down, we're all DEAD! Dead, dead, dead. I'm retarded.

So after an hour and a half in the airport, where Owen ran around in his feeted pajamas, which was very cute, they announced that people who needed extra time, like those of us with small children could board first. Great idea in theory. Bad in reality. Why? Because the stupid bitches with the microphones give us two minutes to gather our shit, get four gate tickets for the car seats and strollers (which they REFUSED to give me ahead of time for whatever stupid reason) and put the tickets on the stuff. By the time we were walking down the gangplank, half the plane was already passing us or onboard. Thanks assholes! The only good thing is that I didn't feel guilty banging people in the head with my diaper bag as I went down the aisle.

So, we set up shop in row 22. Owen has a slight meltdown about the harness but Michael and I deal with it and he's happy as a clam. (Quick side note: I changed our seats two weeks before the flight because we were in the last row [no reclination]. But I couldn't get all our seats together. So I got another aisle seat five rows up and figured switching an aisle for an aisle wouldn't be a big deal). The woman who I believe is in our row comes up, I explain the situation, and she agrees to switch although the look on her face is really bizarre. I get pissed.

Now, two geezers come up to our row and tell us that we're in their seats. They have the aisle seat in our row and the aisle seat across the aisles. Weird, I think. Something is not right! Michael looks at me and through gritted teeth says: "Give me the boarding passes." I pull them out and lo and behold, we're in the wrong row!!! HAHAHAHAHAH!

Let's review:

1. Owen hated getting the harness on, but is now OK with it.
2. I've switched seats with a woman who I thought was in our row but was actually not in our row.
   
3. Two geezers are hovering above us and want their damn aisle seats.

I obviously am now sweating and on the verge of tears. We have to get Owen out of the harness, move all my bags and accouterments, including a 20 pound baby up a row while the aisles is fully plugged with Portlanders going to Philadelphia. Not a good scene. I start getting uppity and begin telling people to be patient. I then have to call the stewardess to explain the seat switching debacle.

Owen just wants to be back in the airport running in feeted pajamas and lets me and everyone else on the plane know that by screaming for a good half an hour, forty five minutes. There was absolutely nothing I could do to make him stop.

Yes. We had become "those people with the baby on the plane." Everyone was looking at us. I just put my head down and let him cry. Finally when we got the all clear for electronic devices, we put Elmo in the DVD player and all was well. For an hour. Then I got the two year old bouncing round the aisle seat, screaming NO!, kicking me, the whole nine, people. It was ugly.

FINALLY, I grabbed him, pinned his arms and sang the alphabet song. This quieted him down and I told myself I would sing the alphabet a million, two million times, if necessary. And I did. And he fell asleep. And then he looked like a little angel. And he slept until Philly.

Right before we landed, the guy in the row in front of us looked back and then handed me a square piece of cardboard with a pretty picture on the front and a message on the back. It said that he was a teacher and a film maker and had worked with bright kids and difficult kids. And he knew it was hard. And the last line said: "You're a great parent. Kids are tough. Have a great new year!"

And that made the entire fiasco worth it. But it doesn't mean that I still don't hate people.

Epilogue: after we took Owen off the plane and put him in the stroller to go to baggage claim he screamed bloody murder as we walked through the airport. And I really didn't care.

Home Again Home Again

Whew! So happy to be back on the left coast, people. Get ready for a marathon (pun! snort snort!) of posting, because let me tell you, there were incidents. And there was running. And there was picture taking and of course, some good times(tm) as well.

Running
I ran about half the number of days we were actually there. I ran a very flat 4.2 mile loop about once every two or three days. Michael had to kick me out of the house at least twice. Only one incident with a greyhound and its owner who refused to share the sidewalk. And we did get some snow which made some parts of the route treacherous. Just another reason to live in the Running Capital of the World. I am happy to report that I probably averaged 9:30 minute miles.

I also got running gifts for Christmas:

• The Fuel Belt with two bottles for my long runs: (Side note: my relatives could not seem to wrap their heads around the idea of a "long run" for more than an hour and a half. My cousin, of course, wanted to know how fast I could complete 9 or 10 miles just to see if I could kick her ass. I could). I wore the Fuel Belt around the house on Christmas for a good half an hour. I looked good.
• The Stick, which I have always wanted. Now, with a foam roller and the Stick, there is no reason I can't control my IT band issues.
• Pepper Spray from Michael. This will come in handy when I encounter the bob cats and bears in Forest Park. FYI--the NYPD uses the kind of spray that I got.
  
• A donation in my name to Friends of Forest Park. Michael really came through with this one. You all know I love Forest Park and I'm so glad that we gave money to help them keep up the trail! Really Good Times(tm).

I did run today and yesterday up on the trail. The trail was a bit difficult because I haven't run hills in a long time. But it felt great to be back up there and I finally feel like I'm getting some of my speed back.

Unlike the Elf, I do have resolutions, and most are about running:

1. Stretch after a run. Duh.
2. Do speedwork once a week. Yuck.
3. Run the Shamrock Run, run the Helvetia Half and ultimately train for a marathon this fall.
4. I would LOVE to do the Dirty Half with the Wagers, but we'll have to see.
5. Follow a training plan for those runs.
6. Log distance, times and shoes.
7. Get the Nike Plus system working. Shaunmarie swears by it.
8. Long run every week.
9. Guilt all y'all for not running with me.
   

Antietam
Visiting the Antietam Battlefield was a highlight of our trip. There are a lot of Civil War battlefields close to my parents' home: Gettysburg, Antietam, Harper's Ferry, Manassas. So far Michael and I had only visited Gettysburg. So my parents graciously stayed home to watch the kids and Michael and I drove two hours due south to Antietam, located in Sharpsburg Maryland. (the battle is also known as Sharpsburg).

So this battle has pretty much one huge claim to fame: the bloodiest single-day battle in US history with 23,000 deaths (even more than D-Day).

Having said that, let's say you're in the neighborhood and you have your five, six and nine year old children with you. Why not stop by Antietam and watch the one-hour documentary which shows in graphic detail, the three major parts of the battle, including the crossing of Burnside Bridge where Union soldiers were picked off one by one and left to float in the Antietam creek. I'm sure young children would totally understand and appreciate this wonderful film complete with decaying bodies and skulls and intense hand-to-hand combat.

Seriously, what is wrong with people? And one other thing. Wherever a general was killed on the battlefield there is an upside miniature cannon to mark the dying place. Some idiot parents let their two stupid ass teenagers run wild and we came up on them sitting and playing on top of these statues. Absolutely zero respect. I felt it would have been just as disrespectful if they had just urinated on it.

Just another example of why I hate people so much. And kids with stupid parents. Anyhoo, here is your pictorial lesson of the battle of Antietam.

Me sitting in front of Dunker Church, the meeting/staging place for the Confederates. Many people died here and ironically enough the Dunkers were German baptists and pacifists.

The Miller Farm cornfield. No corn during winter so it was a bit difficult to get a feel for the size of the field. Union soldiers marched through the cornfield to be gunned down willy nilly. Many people died again.

The Sunken Road, a.k.a Bloody Lane. Confederate soldiers lined the fence to wait for Union soldiers coming up over a ridge (not seen in pic) and then again picked them off. I'm not sure why McClellan never scouted the topography before the battle.


Burnside's Bridge. This is looking toward the side of the creek where the Union soldiers came from. Many men died trying to take the bridge because a bunch of Georgians set up shop on the other side of the bridge on the hill and just shot anything that moved. Kind of like target practice (again).

And that is your capsule of the battle of Antietam. It's really much more than these popular landmarks and you should totally do some research. For one, about five days after this battle, Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation. And another, if McClellan hadn't let Lee scurry away the war probably would have ended. And it was the first major battle on Northern soil, etc. etc.

In the first Saturday in December they light one luminary for each fallen soldier...over 23,000 in all. I hear it's pretty amazing.

Whew. Join me next post as we discuss Zoo America and the Two Plane Flights From Hell.