Elf was here over the weekend with Frank and the darling baby Mattie who a) is seriously cute as a button, b) can practically say as many words as the O-man (not that I'm comparing) and c) says woof woof to the dogs. I tried to coax Elf back to Portland by taking her on a run up at Forest Park with Coach. Although it didn't work, I could tell she had forgotten how beautiful it is up there and I know that when the time comes, Portland is going to be the frontrunner for the new home city of choice.
Not much to say about that run except I was the lead runner, which is not a good position for me. Whenever I hear pounding feet behind me, I speed up. Needless to say I couldn't talk the entire run and we ended up finishing with a time that was 1 minute and 30 seconds faster than I normally run that mofo. Crazy right? Especially because again, this was my "recovery" run from my long run the day before, and it wasn't very recovery-y or easy.
[quick tangent: did anyone watch the Nova special Marathon Challenge? Nova formed a team of 13 non-runners who barely exercised and then helped them train for and complete the Boston Marathon (although I wasn't onboard with non-qualifiers getting to run that race, i got over it). Needless to say, I learned a lot. Namely that weight loss is not about exercise at all. It's about diet first and foremost. You all may know this, but I really thought that training for a marathon would help the women drop some pounds. MOST LOST NO WEIGHT! Crazy, right? The doctor did say that running was good for weight maintenance. Anyhoo, I digress. It was a great show and I totally cried when they all finished.]
So, in my never ending quest to keep losing weight (I hit the 20 pounds loss mark yesterday hoorah!), I've decided to step up the diet and the exercise because I'm going home to PA for Christmas and if I don't hear some oohing and ahhing about my weight loss, skulls will be cracking. Yesterday I ran for 49 minutes and two things happened that pissed me off.
1) A pack of dogs circled me like I was a fucking rabbit they wanted to eat. The three women were so busy talking about stupid West-side stuff they didn't notice their Chocolate lab sniffing my ass or the yappy rat dog jumping on my leg. I was PISSED but of course stuffed it deep into my belly instead of screaming at them.
2) Coming up behind two geezers, I said "excuse me" and "pardon me" about five times with zero response. Finally I just had to blow by them because I assumed they heard me even though they didn't stop or move over. Here's the thing: stop for three fucking seconds so I KNOW you've heard me and I can go by without hurting anyone. Or turn around to see who the bitch is that wants to pass you. But PLEASE! Acknowledge that I have said something to you before I haul off and kick you in the shins with my stylish trail shoes.
My next hate-filled diatribe has to do with Halloween. I like Halloween as much as the next guy. But there are rules, and if, as a parent you ignore these rules, I can egg and toilet paper your house the next day. Here they are:
- Lights off inside and outside means NO CANDY WILL BE GIVEN AWAY FROM THIS HOUSE. PLEASE GO AWAY.
- If the lights are off, do not let your kiddies traipse up to my door, ring the doorbell, aggravate the dogs who bark so loud that they wake both my babies who have been sleeping for over an hour.
- If there is a sign on the door that reads: "Please do not ring or knock the door. Two babies are sleeping...dogs will bark and wake them. Sorry!" PLEASE DO NOT RING OR KNOCK AT THE DOOR.
And no, my two children under the age of 2 will not be trick or treating and collecting candy for god's sake! Because this is the attitude of the O-man during the entire Halloween day:
Although the baby didn't seem to mind as much:
The end. Whew. Thank you so much. I feel much better now.
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