Geezers and Bitches

It has been almost two months since my last (and first) run report. I am happy to report that even though the run reports have been few, that the runs have not! Here are some highlights of the last two months:

Passed by a Geezer
Yesterday I ran the Esplanade for the second time since my comeback. Last week when I braved the route for my first time, I had an awesome run. I came home and told Michael “I OWN the Esplanade.”

Yesterday, however, was a totally different story. Coming off the Hawthorne Bridge I passed an old man shuffling along. I stopped for a quick water break and soon caught up to said geezer and passed him. Geezer did not like being passed by a fatty like myself and increased his speed. Embarrassed and PISSED, I let him go. I have nothing to prove. I am post partum for god’s sake.

So, on the little downhills I caught up with him again but really didn’t have the energy to pick up the pace and really pass him, so I thought to myself “You can run with a geezer and make a new friend!” So I ran about three or four steps with him and was about to say hello, when he just took off leaving me in the dust.

Geezer bastard. Moral of the story: don’t try to be nice to anyone, ever. Even old people.

Passed by a Skinny Bitch
Today I ran the old Via Forest Park route, but started at the archery range. I wasn’t even in the woods yet when I hear someone running behind me. I, being a courteous runner, stepped off the trail. Still, I heard a female voice say “On your right!” I looked back and there, passing me, was a skinny bitch. And not an ordinary skinny bitch either. This girl was wearing cute running shorts and a tank top, which she had pulled up to expose a perfect, taut and tan belly. And to make matters worse, after she passed me, I had to watch the perfect ass for about four minutes. However, she was wearing perfume, which is retarded and not runner-like at all.

Complaining with O’Shea
So, Coach O’Shea and I have been running together again and it’s been great. I hated running in circles around a track, and at the beginning there, I wasn’t ready to run by myself (I have weird social phobias…shut up). Every Monday we run about 34 minutes and every Thursday we do Forest Park. For the first two or three runs, my end of the conversation went something like this: “My legs just won’t move!” and “Do you see how fat I am?” and “I can’t go further than two miles.” and “I can’t believe it hasn’t been easier.” And “I’M DYING.”

So, I am very happy to report that I have turned the corner on the whole returning to running after being pregnant for 18 out of the last 36 months. Every run I take I’m able to push myself a little further. Every run feels better when I’m done. And I look forward to all my runs now and no one has to kick my ass out the door anymore. And boy, am I glad!

When I quit smoking I knew that I would also have that craving—forever. Once a smoker, always a smoker. But thankfully I’ve also realized that now I am a runner and I will always be a runner, no matter how much time I take off between runs. Days, weeks or years. Ah, brings a tear doesn’t it?

So, looking for more people to add to our little running group. Everyone is welcome. I’m looking to be running mob deep again. Cheers!

p.s. tell me that baby isn’t cute