Can't stomach it!

I have not run since last Sunday when Jeffy and I ran the Esplanade/Broadway Bridge run (run time: 45 minutes or so).

On Tuesday I came down with a "stomach flu" but without the usual shit (Hahahahaha)! Meaning, I didn't vomit and I didn't have the other stomach-flu symptoms either. Just pain, pain, pain in the belly and lower abdomen. I ran a fever and coached Michael through the nursing process.

Let me tell you, two babies plus one husband plus two dogs and a sick mommy means no fun for anyone. Thank god for goooooooooood friends (meet Renee--my hero). So all it took was one visit to the doctor, a prescription for Vicodin and no eating for three days and voila! Good as new....kinda. Still didn't eat much today.

So, no run today, but tomorrow and Sunday are looking good. Oh, and the biggest benefit of all? A 3.2 weight loss this week. Good times(TM).

First (Semi) Long Run

Today Coach and I embarked on the first long run. I was totally ready and willing to log six miles. In retrospect, this might have been a bit ambitious.

We headed out in Coach's SWEET convertible BMW...which, by the way, I doubted he would fit in. We went out to 53rd off of Skyline, I think, and jumped onto the Wildwood Trail. I had regaled Coach with how wonderful running was for me now and how I had turned the corner, yadda yadda yadda. Suffice it to say: I should have known better.

We start running and we get to a little map. I tell Coach I want to run six miles. He tells me there's no way he's running six miles, but we can add a little bit and make it be around five or so. Great!

Totally not great. As soon as I realized we were going to have to run some of the route on Leif Erickson I wasn't happy. I have NO IDEA why every runner in Portland thinks this thing is the holy grail, but if you ask me, it sucks big time, and here's why:

1. All uphill for the first three miles.
2. Rocks embedded in the cement trail that kill the feet.
3. On the way up you have to look at the people who are on the way back down who are sprinting like they're the fucking Great American Hero.
4. It's like New Year's Eve or St. Patrick's Day. Amatuer night.
5. People let their dogs shit everywhere.

And finally, there is no reason to run on a cambered "trail" with huge rocks that is mostly upwhill when there are so many trails (I mean the Wildwood is 30 miles!) in the city. God.

Anyhoo, we finally made it back to the Wildwood, only to deal with the biggest fucking hill I've ever seen. I'm totally not kidding. I told Coach I hated him three times. For real. As he's looking down on me from the top he says "It's all down hill from here!" Great, thanks asshole!

And that was today's run. It sucked. But I did it. And we drove home with the top down. Good times(TM). And, if you ever have any questions about any trail in Portland, Coach will know.

Miles/times this week:

Monday: Off
Tuesday: Forest Park (27 minutes/hills)
Wednesday: Esplanade (41 minutes/~four miles/flat)
Thursday: Off
Friday: Forest Park (27 minutes/hills)
Saturday: Esplanade (41 minutes/four miles/flat)
Sunday: 53rd (maybe five miles)
TOTAL: 19 miles give or take

Geezers and Bitches

It has been almost two months since my last (and first) run report. I am happy to report that even though the run reports have been few, that the runs have not! Here are some highlights of the last two months:

Passed by a Geezer
Yesterday I ran the Esplanade for the second time since my comeback. Last week when I braved the route for my first time, I had an awesome run. I came home and told Michael “I OWN the Esplanade.”

Yesterday, however, was a totally different story. Coming off the Hawthorne Bridge I passed an old man shuffling along. I stopped for a quick water break and soon caught up to said geezer and passed him. Geezer did not like being passed by a fatty like myself and increased his speed. Embarrassed and PISSED, I let him go. I have nothing to prove. I am post partum for god’s sake.

So, on the little downhills I caught up with him again but really didn’t have the energy to pick up the pace and really pass him, so I thought to myself “You can run with a geezer and make a new friend!” So I ran about three or four steps with him and was about to say hello, when he just took off leaving me in the dust.

Geezer bastard. Moral of the story: don’t try to be nice to anyone, ever. Even old people.

Passed by a Skinny Bitch
Today I ran the old Via Forest Park route, but started at the archery range. I wasn’t even in the woods yet when I hear someone running behind me. I, being a courteous runner, stepped off the trail. Still, I heard a female voice say “On your right!” I looked back and there, passing me, was a skinny bitch. And not an ordinary skinny bitch either. This girl was wearing cute running shorts and a tank top, which she had pulled up to expose a perfect, taut and tan belly. And to make matters worse, after she passed me, I had to watch the perfect ass for about four minutes. However, she was wearing perfume, which is retarded and not runner-like at all.

Complaining with O’Shea
So, Coach O’Shea and I have been running together again and it’s been great. I hated running in circles around a track, and at the beginning there, I wasn’t ready to run by myself (I have weird social phobias…shut up). Every Monday we run about 34 minutes and every Thursday we do Forest Park. For the first two or three runs, my end of the conversation went something like this: “My legs just won’t move!” and “Do you see how fat I am?” and “I can’t go further than two miles.” and “I can’t believe it hasn’t been easier.” And “I’M DYING.”

So, I am very happy to report that I have turned the corner on the whole returning to running after being pregnant for 18 out of the last 36 months. Every run I take I’m able to push myself a little further. Every run feels better when I’m done. And I look forward to all my runs now and no one has to kick my ass out the door anymore. And boy, am I glad!

When I quit smoking I knew that I would also have that craving—forever. Once a smoker, always a smoker. But thankfully I’ve also realized that now I am a runner and I will always be a runner, no matter how much time I take off between runs. Days, weeks or years. Ah, brings a tear doesn’t it?

So, looking for more people to add to our little running group. Everyone is welcome. I’m looking to be running mob deep again. Cheers!

p.s. tell me that baby isn’t cute