Moon Over My Hammy

So I've got so many things to tell you about, but first and foremost, I am sick to hear about Prince's performance at Coachella over the weekend. So he brought out Morris Day and Jerome to do "Jungle Love" and Sheila E to do Glamorous Life. !!! And if that's not enough he pulls out my two all time faves: Little Red Corvette and 7. And then he covers Radiohead's Creep (crazy) and of course tops it all off with Purple Rain. Makes the Portland Show with the two Stacey's look so tame. I love that little man. (again, anyone having a copy of my Prince Report from many years ago, please send it. I'll pay you 2 bucks). There are tons of videos on YouTube but none contain audio. It's KILLING me.

My running suffered another set back as I tore up my hamstrings earlier in the week after trying to be a superstar and run that 8 minute mile. My hamstring on my left leg hurt so much I could barely walk or use the clutch in my car. This is obviously a result of taking way too much time off and then coming back way too hard, too fast. I also developed runner's knee in the right leg.

So, I turn to my trusty "Pain Free Runner." People. This book is the shit. Period. It's all about trigger points and working the stuff out on your own. Pain in your legs and knees is all coming from muscle spasms in your butt, back and quads. That's all there is to it. Go to this message board if you ever have an ache or pain you need help with.

I bought a three pack of tennis balls. I rolled my ass on those balls (nice!) for hours over the weekend, and it fixed things right up in about a day. I was able to run on Saturday and Sunday with about 75% less pain than the day before. I'm a believer, big time.

Hopefully this will help me stay on track with the running and the stalled weight loss. It's so ironic that as soon as I have a good run and am excited to get back to it, I hurt myself and then get depressed I can't run. So stupid.

And finally, the Eagles. The most talked about pick was WR Desean Jackson from Cal. He's TINY at 5'10 and 170 pounds. We'll use him for kick returns. BORING.

Hell Freezes Over

Why? Two runs in two days, that's why! Unbelievable how far I have fallen from my previous devotion to running. It's just way too easy to say "NO RUN." Work, kids, life, TV.

Can we please talk about one show? The Real Housewives of New York City? Oh my god. Crack cocaine anyone? Ok, my favorite dialog from the last show. The big obnoxious strawberry blonde wife is talking about how she doesn't understand "Girls' Night Out." She says that whatever girls need to talk about she can talk about with her husband there.

She says: "Vibrators? So what? Just plug 'em in and go!" Cut to another wife who says: "Plug it in? What are we in, 1970?" Good vibrator times(TM).

Anyhoo, I digress. Sunday Jeffy and I ran the Esplanade, and I have to say, we killed it. I took inventory during the run of all my body parts, and they all came back with a unanimous thumbs up. And yet again I wonder why I skip the runs all the time.

I ran today in the hood and I totally have runner's knee in my right knee and a very stiff left hamstring. I used the foam roller and the stick, but we'll see. During my run I wondered how a person who runs once a week can have so many injuries.

Prideful moment of the day: my neighborhood run usually includes running a mile on the OES track (who, by the way, I now hate as they kicked my son and baby sitter off their wooden play gym during the day WHEN NO ONE WAS EVEN ON IT AND IT'S NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE SCHOOL. Obviously I'm writing them a letter. Stupid Episcopaleous bastards. ) Anyway, sometimes I like to push it on the mile to see how fast I can really run a mile without dying, and today I'm happy to report that I logged an 8:15 minute mile. Elf inspired me. But I will never be as good as the Elf. I'm coming to terms with that.

And that's it from the West Side.

The cuteness hurts sometimes.

"Good Day For It"

So, I had great intentions to write all about my runs last week, because, some were just epic. Let's review:

Sunday--Don't Call It A Comeback Trail Run
Great run with Jeffy in Forest Park. I felt great. I told myself that two weeks off was a drop in the bucket and I should do it more often! See previous run report.

Monday--Speed Work Day
So I met Shaunmarie (SM) at the Lincoln Track and quickly realized that trying to do speedwork while 17,023 elementary school children are being taught "track" was not the best idea (SM's by the way). SM seemed intent on it, so we ran one warm up lap and then one "speed" 400 and we were practically run over by the herd of children. Not to mention I almost turned to stone when one of the "teachers" (with the worst highlights on the planet...really, if you're brunette and want blonde highlights, make sure you have a good hairdresser. Tiny streaks of peroxide blonde and GREY really does nothing for you. Bitch.) gave me the Medusa look from Clash of the Titans. So that was speed work, day one.

Tuesday--THE WORST RUN EVER AFTER BABY #2 (TM)
I'm not sure how to explain how horrific this run was. First, it was probably the least scenic route I've ever taken, and the most dangerous. We started at SM's gym off Karman Drive (the freeway!) and about 83% of the road travelled didn't have sidewalks and SM is the type of person who thinks she'll never get pancaked by a car so she tried to run double decker. GOOD LORD woman! I was terrified half the time and sucking carbon monoxide the other half.

At the 8:13 minute mark I decided that I'd had enough. But SM had taken us on the 6-mile route and "didn't know how to do the 3-mile route!" Jesus! So we walked about 234 times so I could just make the run even longer. I felt so crappy--just tired (baby's getting molars and not sleeping) and fighting the cold-that-wouldn't-die. We finally finished in 55 minutes and 342 snot rockets later.

Tangent: I enjoy the snot rocket so much I want to do it at home. It would save a lot of kleenex. Yesterday I took Owen to the Zoo and I had to stop myself at least twice from just snot rocketing on the path. I mean, I had my finger covering my nostril. Just keeping it real.

Wednesday--Be Kind to Yourself Trail Run
I parked at a different trailhead so I wouldn't encounter killer hills at the end of the workout. I went as slow as I wanted and tried desperately to think positively. It wasn't bad. It wasn't good.

Thursday, Friday, Saturday--Make as Many Excuse as Possible Not To Run

1. Needed a day off.
   
2. Knee felt tweaky.
3. Too much work to do.
   
4. Knee still felt tweaky.
5. Allergy medicine knocked me out. Need to nap.
6. TOO HOT! I can't run in this STIFLING HEAT!
7. Could it be runner's knee?

Sunday--Good Day For It!
Yes it was. Practically perfect as I ran 45 minutes in the hood without too much knee pain. And it's always nice to get a "Good day for it" from a perfect stranger as I'm sucking wind going up a hill.

Here's to another week!

The First Cut is the Deepest

Hello. My name is Sarah and I am once again a runner.

Two weeks off due to sickness, weather, windows and apathy. But there's no turning back when you have a willing running partner who always pumps you up and is supportive. The running partner is key. I'm going to try and rope someone in to at least two of my runs per week.

So Jeffy and I went up to Forest Park (side note: got my little Forest Park Conservancy car sticker and newsletter where my name is proudly displayed as a supporter. And they sent me two pages with the entire Forest Park trail system. I'm going to laminate it. It's so much nicer than having to squint at my little box set. Anyway, go and give them some money. It's tax deductible. Someone's gotta keep that shit up.)

Anyhoo, as an omen I got the new Runner's World yesterday with all their Boston crappola. I get the Boston Marathon thing. I do. But sometimes I want to say "HEY! Shut up already, Boston Marathon. The Red Sox have won the World Series and the Patriots are still a big pain in the ass, so could you please not make such a fucking big deal out of yourself with your Heartbreak Hill and your college girls and your Patriots Day and your noon start and all that crap?"
That said, if I ever realize my dream of running faster than 9 minute miles, I would die to run it.

Today Jeffy and I ran the archery range to Magnolia back to Wildwood loop. It's typically a 32 minute run. And it was again today, which made me very happy. I felt strong, I didn't want to kill myself and I made it up the last set of hills. I'm back in the saddle and devoted to losing these last 10 pounds and running the Helvetia Half.

So, another resolution is to post every run if possible. It's a new year over here and please, if you want to run and need a partner. Let me know.

The Shame!

Email received this morning:

From: Frank
To: Sarah

Subject: thanks

Thanks for the recent run report. It made my day! I really enjoy re-reading runs from 6 weeks ago!

OUCH. Oh my god, OUCH, Frank!

Jesus.

Needless to say things have been a little squirrely over here at Chez Gifford. This week we're having windows installed in the entire house, and here's what we're dealing with:

• 12 windows
• 5 window guys
• 1 sick 2 year old with ear and eye infection (GOOD TIMES[tm]) and no naps for three days
  
• 1 ten month old who has learned to bite
• 1 disgruntled husband spending spring break on baby duty
• 2 dogs eager to help install windows
• 1 lazy, fat-ass mommy who dares call herself a runner when she hasn't been running in over 7 days

Now, Michael has taken the brunt of all this. I've been able to stay home and "supervise" and get a ton of work done without two monkeys hanging off me, biting my shoulder and saying "mommy" or "what's that?" two thousand times every minute. It's actually been kind of nice. I think Michael has a new understanding of what it's like caring for them and trying to work and do everything else.

Last weekend we stayed in Lincoln City and gambled and ate and blended in with the white trash a little too easily. Sorry to anyone who calls Lincoln City home or regularly vacations there. It is white trash paradise. Throw in some outlets and antique stores and I was in hog heaven! I played bingo for three hours! And blackjack! It was a great way to celebrate the old birthday. I also ate a hamburger that had blue cheese on it. Good God. The scale is moving in the wrong direction, obviously.

Running: yes, it's been a little off, but starting this weekend, I'm back. Last time I took off seven days, it actually was awesome coming back. I kicked ass on the trail and ran into an old acquaintance, which allowed me and Jeffy to rest on the hills. I felt like a dog that hadn't been walked in two weeks. It was awesome. I've also been doing a lot of road running which is killing my legs.

PSA: Shaunmarie and I are starting track workouts on Mondays around 6 or 630 (I think...) at Lincoln High. Everyone knows these suck, but doing them with other people is great.

So there's the quick and dirty.

Kill Em All

So I did run on Wednesday and because I was too lazy to write a post, it's my favorite cop out, the bulleted list:

• The run did totally kick my ass.
• I got complimented on my new shoes by two ladies who lunch. I told them they were brand new and they said "not for long!" and I thought "that's the point, fatties! Get to running!" Ouch. I'm awful.
• Again with the dogs. Two off-leash golden retrievers almost took my legs out. After they passed, the owner kept telling them to HEEL. Here's the thing: heel DOES NOT WORK. You can tell me all day that your dogs can heel. I have a nice big fat squirrel and a big fat T-bone that says your dog won't heel when you need it to. They're descended from WOLVES, people. Anything can distract them, especially on a trail. So knock it the fuck off with this heel bullshit.
• Weird people with dogs. My favorite combination. This guy had FIVE dogs off-leash on the narrow trail--a ST. BERNARD, two labs, a jack russel and some other mutt. My favorite line: "They're friendly!" Well guess what asshole, I am totally not friendly and I'm going to kick your dog in the face, except that you look like the unabomber, so next time, when I have my mace, I'll mace you and your little dog too.
  
• I felt like I had smoked ten packs of cigarettes right before running. I reminisced about a little back and forth Coach and I had during my very first Shamrock Run when I told him I had no lung capacity. And then he said if I could say lung capacity...and then I clocked him.

Today I ran (don't ask my why I skipped yesterday. I'm a shell of my former runner self.). And it was gorgeous, as you all know. It was a bit breezy and I could feel the wind ruffling my leg hair. Good times(TM). I did a quick 43 minutes and was glad I did.

I am five pounds away from posting before and after pictures. You'll want to tune in for that. Because geez, imagine 163 pounds on a five foot tall frame. It's so not pretty.

Oh, forgot to mention one thing about my trail run...about seven people passed me running mob deep. I again reminisced about our old Via runs. And I am so sad that I am running one person deep. It's so not fun. I miss those times but thankfully they were so awesome that I will never, ever forget them. However, if someone doesn't step up and try to become a running partner, I will kill em all (that's actually a Metallica album. Not their best one, obviously [Master], but I do like saying that).

This is for my Benji:





And this is the baby:

Suck City

About two and a half weeks ago I came down with a sinus infection and boy, did I act like I had a man cold. In retrospect, I probably wasn't even closed to dying, but having to sleep while breathing through your mouth is definitely a layer of hell. So at the time I came down with the infection, weather and laziness had kept me from running for over a week. By the time I got the antibiotics working and felt good enough to brave the outdoors, I had not run for TWO WEEKS. The guilt.

So I went out and did three runs: one on the trail (sucked) and two in my neighborhood. The one I made a conscious effort to run faster and probably ran a minute per mile faster than usual. I felt on top of the world!

Enter the tickle in the throat last Monday. I told Michael about it, and true to form, he informs me that he has bronchitis (he loves the self diagnosis). Needless to say by Monday night we were both pretty sick...Michael especially, but I thought I could be strong for the family.

Tuesday and Wednesday were sick days for Michael and we both were running fevers and coughing. The boys seemed to be fine. Thursday I went to a client meeting, probably infected the entire office (sorry Coach), came home and slept while I had the sitter. Thursday night Oliver didn't sleep well. A foreshadowing. Friday I went to the doctor to get more antibiotics. Then came home and slept for five hours while I had the sitter.

Saturday through yesterday: both babies got very sick. Oliver started running a fever on Saturday morning...102 that promptly escalated to 104 by the afternoon. The doctor told me to go to the ER. Obviously there was nothing they could do except let me know I wasn't giving enough Tylenol. DOH. Anyhoo, after 1000 doses of Tylenol and Motrin both boys seem to be getting better.

(Not going into details because I might claw my eyes out remembering, but dealing with a two year old that doesn't feel well is akin to rolling the stone up the hill all day or getting your innards poked out by birds all day or standing in water while you're dying of thirst and not being able to bend down and take a drink. I SHIT YOU NOT, people. Between the howling, the holding, the hitting, the throwing and the banging of the head, I almost had a nervous breakdown).

And this people is why I hate February. And this is why I may have to bring back "Sarah's Songs: The February Mix tape."

Today a run is planned. Check back for details of a brutal ass kicking.