Is Closure Ever a Good Thing?

Nope. It's been a whirlwind of activity these last 20 or so days since I began the diet/return to greatness/comeback and today is again day one for the diet.

However, I do think I've reached closure with the injury. Two days after the first Day One, I received Runners' World. I was excited to read Benjamin Cheever's article about his injury. His story read just like mine:

1. Get injured.
2. Do research.
3. Buy tons of products and services to help solve the problem/injury.
4. Become depressed when nothing works.

However, the author was given the name of a doctor who specializes in back pain, but has an interesting theory about pain in general:

When people don't deal with emotional baggage--whether it's from the stress of every day life or from more serious issues--the body will create real physical pain for the sufferer to deal with. It's all about the Mind Body connection. So, the doctor's name is Dr. John Sarno. I bought the book. I read the book. I nearly fell out of my chair when reading his description of people who suffer from this "syndrome."

So, as soon as I read the book and accepted that this is probably what is going on with me and my hamstring, that nagging pain in my back went away. I shit you not. Almost immediately.

The next thing on the docket was for me to have my last PT appointment. I planned to tell my fantastic PT about my new theory and discovery. But before I could even do that, he sat me down and started a counseling session. He began by saying: "You know, I've been talking to Amy (my fantastic chiropractor), and we both think you have so much on your plate...."

And at this point, I broke down and started blubbering like a big fat baby. I told him everything I'd discovered and he basically concurred. He encouraged me to keep doing my exercises but also deal with any issues in my life. Not looking forward to that.

Then, as I was driving home from Camas(I work there twice a week. Stupid. I know. And a big contributor to mind/body out-of-whackedness), I was in a car accident! Only my worst nightmare. I was the first car in a five car pile-up on the 405. Which means a dummy behind me couldn't stop in time and barreled into another car who then hit me. Then two other cars joined in the party. No damage to me, but 3000 to the car. Good times(tm).

A few days after that I had my big Chi Running Seminar. THE BOMB. I learned a new way to run and I'm amazed by it. Needless to say I've only run two times since then because I still have a lot of fear about running and the injury (it's natural says Dr. John Sarno), but each time I expended very little energy (I wasn't huffing and puffing like I thought I would be) and my legs didn't feel like cement posts. It's great. Get the book. Or sign up. As soon as the heat wave passes, I'm going to start running every day. For now, I've given up on my huge marathon goal. The pressure I put on myself to run a marathon and redeem my earlier failures was probably a big contributor to the injury. I'm just going to run and try to lose some weight. Then I'll sign up for some races.

And, that is that. Although, I am dealing with a 2 year old who is determined to break me. It's his life goal.

Anatomy of a Recovery: Day One

Even though I've been dealing with this injury since March and have been undergoing therapy, I haven't really felt like anything was ever going to improve. And I realize my really effing bad attitude will not help.

So, today is day one. Day one of the diet. Day one of the exercise. Day one of doing everything I can to get back to my old running self. Here's how Day One is going:

5:30am
Get out of bed only to find that I can't move--my upper neck/back area hurts so effing bad. I can't raise my arms or move my head without pain. At one point I cry big fat hot tears.

5:47am
Eat four advils.

5:50am
Prepare a healthy breakfast of 1/2 cup granola with strawberries, blueberries, bananas. Take the first bite and realize that the fruit tastes like it had been buried in dirt for five days.

5:55am
Spit out granola and prepare half a blueberry bagel. Get the cream cheese out of the fridge. Quickly discover the cream cheese has been at the back of the fridge and has frozen and thawed many times since its purchase. It looks like cottage cheese. I eat it anyway.

Day One is ROCKING!

So, that's how the morning starts. I should also mention The Zit (TM), which is like my new best friend. It arrived last week with a nice hard bump on my chin that escalated into a volcano with a whitehead so large it was practically un-popable. I hugged Owen and not only did it hurt when it brushed his head, but it was so huge that he had to ask: "What the heck is that?" Now it's nice and red and bloody with a scab that I have to fight not to pick off. I am so sexy it hurts right now.

So, last week I did a tiny amount of running with the PT. My homework is do some very light hill running and walking and exercises to strengthen the hammy and stabilize the pelvis (have I told you it's been an unstable pelvis this whole effing time? Thanks to C-sections and not using core muscles at all? Good lord). I was at the point last week where I was going to say eff this and just run again, but he told me not to panic. Obviously he doesn't know me very well.

That's about it from here. I'm hoping to post more regularly so there's a record of my amazing recovery and return to running. The not-running has been so difficult. It's truly been a grieving process, and I don't like it one bit. Here's to recovery!